EVPHO

The Best Job You Will Ever Have

If I’ve heard her say it once, I’ve heard it a thousand times.  My mother and mentor is quick to tell me that “Being a mom is the best job you’ll ever have.”  Every once in a while, usually after I am griping to her about an extremely frustrating day with the Associates, she will modify it to say “Being a parent is the HARDEST job you will ever have.”  I hear the words but sometimes it is hard to really believe that endless laundry, dishes and diapers is the best job in the world.

I mean, I had a really REALLY cool job before.  I actually had a really cool career.  From 2002 to 2010 I worked in Republican Politics in Washington DC and for candidates across the country.  The work was hard, the hours long, but the perks were very cool.  I met Don King the night Republicans gained seats in the 2002 midterm elections (which almost never happens when the same party is in control of the White House) because you know he likes to hang out with winners 😉   I got to have after work drinks on the Speakers Balcony of the US Capitol Building overlooking the entire National Mall;  I attended White House Christmas parties, watched the fireworks on the fourth of July from the White House lawn, and even stood on the White House lawn to pay respects to President Reagan’s casket as it was paraded through Washington.  I had the honor of working for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mayor Rudy Giuliani, dedicating a year of my life to each of them (and yet I just had too google to spell check both their names – ugh MOMMY BRAIN!).  Most recently, I served as campaign manager and district director for Congressman Bill Posey, one of the most down to earth, honest statesmen the state of Florida has known, and in doing so was able to intimately learn about the community I lived in. I worked with all the community leaders, elected officials and CEO’s; I toured the big industries – from citrus groves to aerospace companies; and perhaps the coolest part of my job was being able to attend numerous Space Shuttle launches from the closest viewing area possible at the Kennedy Space Center.

Seeing a space shuttle launch has got to be one of the most amazing experiences in the world, no matter where you view it from.  But it was nothing short of emotional at these special VIP launch viewing receptions because the families of the astronauts where there, many former astronauts, scientists and engineers who worked on whatever program was being launched, and so much tradition and history that you couldn’t help but be in awe of the amazing accomplishment of sending humans into space and returning them safely.

Me with KSC Director and Astronaut Bob Cabana and my boss, Congressman Posey, and the stunning Atlantis Space Shuttle behind us.

KSC Director Bob Cabana telling the Congressman and I about the heat shield tiles and re-entry as we stand directly below one of the shuttle orbiters (Discovery or Endeavor?)

Photo taken by the CEO of a Shuttle Launch from the VIP viewing area we were guests at.

Me with Gene Kranz, fellow CCHS grad and lead flight director during NASA’s Apollo 13 manned Moon landing mission. (aka my personal hero)

These doubts were ringing loud in my mind one morning as I rummaged through my coolest memorabilia from the shuttle launches I attended.  Associate P’s class was learning about space that week, and I was to be a guest speaker and then read our favorite space book, Mousetronaut, by Astronaut Mark Kelly.  I couldn’t help but think, had I made the right choice when I left a job I loved and was passionate about, and had worked so hard to succeed at?

We were of course off to a hectic start that morning, and perhaps she could sense my mood, but my mom said her same old line to me again “Being a parent the best job you’ll ever have dear.”

The phrase floated in my head as we rode bikes to their preschool and I wondered what big important thing might I be doing right now if I were still working.  Would it be better than trying to inspire a few toddlers to dream about becoming a rocket scientist?

After a giving my thrilling presentation to his class, his teachers thanked me for sharing my career with the kids and I almost corrected them… “It’s my former career.  I don’t work for the government anymore.”  Instead I just mulled on that phrase the whole way home.

Needless to say at that point I was having a full on personal crisis. I love my boys and I love teaching them the ways of the world, but I missed feeling a part of something so big… and it doesn’t get much bigger than working for the Federal Government. ha!  Would I ever get that feeling of doing something big again if I am just a mommy.

The CEO and I decided their learning about space was a perfect opportunity to take the Associates to Kennedy Space Center visitor complex for the first time so they could see the now retired Shuttle Atlantis up close.  So that Sunday we loaded them up, plus my parents, and headed to KSC.  The boys loved it.  What an awesome, fun educational adventure!  I could see their imaginations take flight.  Associate P loved seeing the mission control room and announced he wanted to work at a computer like that one day, and my heart swelled with pride.  How proud would I be if he really did grow up to do something amazing like that!!!

Then it happened.  The circular moment that brought it all together.  The KSC bus tour took us to another of the special viewing areas, and my parents and I reminisced about the time, thanks to my job and position, that I was able to get them here, to this location to watch a shuttle launch.  BAM.  I could still see in their face how proud they were of me.

My parents had done something big.  They raised an Architect and got to walk up the gorgeous ramp of the Seattle Space Needle that he helped design.  They have been in homes their other son built with his own two hands.  They have supported two daughters who care for others daily, and have even saved lives, in their respective nursing and Optometric careers.  And they have gotten to enjoy the perks of my political career, from tours of the Capitol to shuttle launches.

Being a parent is the best job in the whole world, because you get to help mold and shape the next generation and see what amazing things they might do.  Behind every brave astronaut that prepares to launch, I bet there is a mother who is already over the moon with pride.

So since this epiphany it has been a little easier for me to see the long game.  To appreciate the little moments to teach, encourage, love and support my little Associates as opportunities to mold them into men who might one day do big things.  Then I know I’ll be over the moon with pride.

PS: Being a parent, especially a SAHM is still crazy hard, exhausting work.  So I might amend my mother’s phrase to instead be “Being a GRANDPARENT is the best job you’ll ever have” because they also get to enjoy helping raise amazing little Associates, but they can hand cranky Associates back to the parents and sleep all night long uninterrupted 🙂

My parents with Associate P at KSC. They were pretty proud of our little Astronaut.

Riding the Emotional Rollercoaster

So we all know toddlers are crazy, right?  I mean you don’t have to be a parent to know this.   Anyone who has ever met a toddler has probably experienced their split-personality tendency when they go from screaming fury to pleasant contentment after their parent gives in on whatever it was the psycho-toddler was demanding.

Ok, maybe they aren’t crazy.  They are just learning how to control their emotions and figure out how their behavior can control their environment.  Everything is over dramatized, and because their energy is finite, they vacillate between euphoria and hysterical depression before collapsing from exhaustion.  I know they can’t help it, and I’m supposed to be the one to help them figure out how to manage these emotions, but it is so hard to be the even keel some times.

Supervising this learning process often feels like an emotional roller coaster that leaves my head spinning, torn between vowing never to ride again and wanting to immediately get back on.

I found some notes from December, when they had been sick, and one day the ride was so wild I had made an effort to write it down, positive I was so exhausted I wouldn’t remember.  Re-reading and reliving I see the funny, although it was far from it at the time.

Thursday 12:30am:  Exhaustion.  We normally go to bed 10:30/11pm, but the CEO and I had a hot date the night before and walked in the door at 12:30 am.  I could barely keep my eyes open.  As I fell asleep the room began to spin and I began to regret asking for a 4th glass of wine.  I’m going to pay for this tomorrow.

5:00 am:  Associate A’s meds have run out and he wakes in a fever spiking up at 102.  He is tired, but too miserable to sleep.  I spend the next hour trying to get him comfortable, but nothing seems to work.  He wants me to hold him, but at the same time pushes me away.  He’s shaking with chills but refuses a blanket.  He’s hacking but won’t drink anything.  He wants his lovie, but also doesn’t want it because it is wet from his own tears.

Sometime after 6am we both fall asleep on the couch.  This hour ends in bliss, as my little man is not usually cuddly, so I cherish the chance to hold him while he sleeps.

6:45 am: Associate P wakes up and his meds have also run out.  His fever broke yesterday, but his cough is worse than ever.  He is coughing to the point of gagging and throwing up.  He and I hang out the playroom, and try to let Associate A and the CEO get a little bit more sleep.  I am grateful because he is such a sweet kid.  After one vomit, wash up and new clean shirt on, he instantly coughs and gags up more, but looks and me and apologizes.  “I’m so sorry mommy.”  My poor, sweet kiddo.

7:05 am  Here comes the Cra Cra.  Associate P rolls around the kitchen ground, crying and refusing to drink the “special sick tea” that for the last two days he has been chugging down like a champ.  He is still coughing violently, but now, for some reason, won’t drink the warm water with honey and lemon that I know will soothe his poor throat.  This random refusal drives me insane, as his picky eating habits are growing out of control.  It also wakes up the CEO who stumbles in just in time to play interference before I really snapped on the poor kid.

7:50 am  Potty Bliss.  Associate A wakes up in a good mood (thank goodness) and even tells me he has to go poopies, BEFORE he does it, and successfully drops his first poopie in the potty!!! This is a huge deal as I just recently began encouraging him, and yesterday morning during some naked-time he pooped in the playroom then came and told me, and the night before that he told me as he dropped a big package in the tub.  Speaking up before is a BIG DEAL.

8:45 am Insanity.  Both kids are now adequately medicated and running around like the caged animals they are.  They’ve been cooped up for three days, and they are bored and restless.  They’ve also discovered the jingle bells I put out on the front door when we decorated the house this past weekend.  My head is pounding as I feel the pain of last night’s over-indulgence, and I do not appreciate them screaming Jingle Bells.

There is a rocket waiting to launch just 30 miles north of us at Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, so I get them changed and head out the door to the beach in hopes of seeing it take off.  Words cannot describe how much I love living next to the beach – the giant free sandbox from God that keeps little boys happy and occupied for hours.

9:30 am  My associates don’t like my plan of “you two play in the sand while your hungover mommy lays on the blanket and naps” and insist I march up and down the beach finding shells with them.  I have a rough job, I know. You should feel bad for me.

The launch is scrubbed, which leads to the most annoying thing in the world… a three year old asking the same question over and over and over and over and over and over.  I try to explain why, after almost an hour and a half of talking about it and building up excitement, now we will not be seeing a rocket launch.  Associate P does not accept my answer (to windy) and would like me to put him in contact with mission control to get answer’s straight from the commanders mouth.

A 75 degree sunny day in December is reason enough to stay at the beach and we do have a great time.  In fact I’m so content after what had been a very long morning already, I lose track of time, and it is only when I see their noses start leaking uncontrollably again that I realize my launch window has closed.  I better get these kiddos home before they explode on the beach.

That is where the diary ends… and I honestly don’t remember the rest of the day, so I am glad I had typed that bit up.  It is also clear, in retrospect, that perhaps they aren’t really the crazy ones.  I think I am a little crazy for complaining at all.  If that was one of our worst days, life is pretty darn good.  Maybe I am ready to go for another ride…. hmm…

I don’t think your daughter meant to pick a feminist fight…

So randomly reading my facebook stream tonight I see a link to this article.  This feminist-working-mom writer interprets her daughters question, “If dad made more money you wouldn’t work, right?!?!” with a wee bit of sass for my taste.  I don’t disagree with many of her points, but I’m pretty sure her daughter’s question was rooted in a desire to have at least one parent not, and I quote,

“hunched over the computer and planning my work day while the daily circus of morning family activity had played out.”

As humans our deepest desire is to connect with other humans.  We all crave it.  We all need it.  And while clearly this mom is very happy connecting with other adults in her working environment, and that is completely ok, it saddens me that in this article she doesn’t seem to consider the fact that her 10 year old daughter wishes there were a world where she could connect with her mom over breakfast, and mom not be worried about planning her work day.

I don’t want to pick a feminist fight either, as I have so much admiration for working moms. They truly work double duty and I am in awe of so many of my working momma friends and my sisters.  I am just a little surprised that this particular working mom doesn’t get that kids are very selfish, especially when it comes to getting attention and love from their parents.

“What unnerves me is realizing that somehow, my own daughter has picked up on the idea that for a mother to not work is the optimum situation, the one that, if money were no object, of course one would choose.”

I don’t think her daughter has “picked up” on anything in our culture.  Further, it annoys me that she wants to blame Modern Family or the SAHM’s who volunteer in her daughters school for planting sexist thoughts.  I think her daughter was only expressing her ideal world, where she, the child,  could have it all.  Where she could have a sense of security both in being provided for and being cared for by her parents.  Is it really that offensive that she wishes she had more of your attention in the mornings before she heads off to school?

The CEO and I have discussed often that one thing we both desired and appreciated about our parents, beyond even their unconditional love, was their time and how they spent it with us. It is true what they say, ‘time with your children is priceless’ …. to them.  As parents, we know all to well the price we pay for staying home, or leaving work early, to be with our kids.  But to our kids, the fact that we are there, with them, is priceless.  They would trade anything for more of that.

Working moms are amazing. They are.  And I really want to reach out to this mom and tell her not to be offended by her daughters comment.  She isn’t trying to offend you and what you’ve accomplished in your career.  She isn’t parroting a political statement from the SAHM lobby in the cafeteria.  And you are right, in a few years when she is off at college dreaming big dreams of her own she will probably be damn proud of you and all you accomplished in your career.

But right now that sweet 10 year old girl is simply telling you that she thinks you are amazing and the most wonderful thing in the world, and if it were up to her, yes, she would like to spend more quality time with you, without giving up the comforts she knows you and dad currently work to provide.  Because you are her mom, and that is the only job title she cares about.

It doesn’t have to change your answer:

“I like my work. My work is important to me. I want to work.” She looked at me, puzzled, and asked, “Why?” ”I always want to make you proud of me,” I told her that morning. “And this is how I do it.”

That is a great answer, and one she will grow to understand and appreciate.  But tomorrow, maybe put the laptop away at breakfast and spend a few extra minutes with her.  She’ll be glad you did.

Top 5 Worst and Best Things About Moving

After a careful assessment of our facilities, needs and growth plans, Rudloff Family Inc. made a decision to move facilities in order to better accommodate the lifestyle goals established in our strategic plan.  The hunt for a new headquarters was exhausting.  What originated as an opportunity to cut cost, consolidate resources, and focus on lifestyle improvements was easily distracted by things like “updated kitchen” and “great for entertaining.”  It seemed like the more homes we saw, the more distracted we got from what we were really after.

We already had a large home with a great kitchen, baths and entertaining spaces.  Our home had amazing details, lots of space and would easily accommodate future expansion, up to my ideal vision of one day having 4-5 associates.  We loved our home, and always knew it would take finding something really special for us to leave it.  As the months went on and we visited more and more homes, we started to become jaded to the glitz and wow factor that were supposed to be selling points.  Many were legitimately amazing houses, but they didn’t feel like home.

But as they say, good things come to those who wait.  Eventually we walked into a home that was not only beautiful and spacious, but felt like home.  It offered us everything we wanted in outdoor activities – huge pool, on a great canal with quick access to the River and Samson’s Island park.  And best of all, the previous owners were OCD and took meticulous care of the house and had done some very nice, thoughtful and thorough updates.

We have been moved in for two weeks, and everything feels perfect.  We were meant to be here.  This is our home.  Our associates have transitioned nicely and the CEO has noted marked increases in satisfaction and comfort. All around, The Rudloff Family is enjoying our new location and realizing all of the house hunting was indeed worth it.

SOOO now that the dust has settled… here is my first ever EVPHO top 5 list… top 5 worst and best things about moving.

5 WORST THINGS

• Getting started packing.  The excitement of an upcoming move fades very quickly when your mind starts going through a to-do list of everything you must do and pack.  Recovering from that panic attack and getting to work was ridiculously hard.  I spent at least a week Stress Paralyzed (it’s a thing!)
• Being forced to deal with all the stuff you hide around your house.  All of the tucked aways boxes and bags of things you never really unpacked from your last move, unfinished projects that were buried in your messy garage.  you must confront all of it.  UGH.
• Dealing with government bureaucracies , cable & phone companies, and 1,000 different accounts you must update.  Seriously, why does every website demand three levels of password identification?!?!
• Trying to pack with toddlers in the house is like trying to clean a cage with the monkeys still in it. So far the list of things that Associate P and A helped pack that I haven’t found yet: my favorite bikini, 1/2 of about 4 pairs of shoes, the book that he NEEDED to read before nap time, the all in one tool that could fix everything. That one might be the CEO’s fault.  No credible witnesses though.
• WHERE IS THAT THING THAT I URGENTLY NEED?!?! I know I packed it, I know I unpacked it… but where the heck did I put it?!?!  Or worse… I think I packed it, but haven’t found it yet, I hope it didn’t end up in the donation box, never to be seen again!!?!?!

5 BEST THINGS

• Purging!!!  It feels so good to purge and cut some of the unnecessary stuff from your life… so you can focus on what you are passionate about.  Love that!
• The excitement of a new adventure. The months of anticipation build up and fill you with dreams of what is to come in this next phase of life.  When you finally move in it is like a new chapter in your life story is beginning – so exciting!
• Hearing your kids say they love the new house.  I was so worried about how the Associates would handle this transition, that these words have sent my heart ablaze with joy.  We have had a few “best day ever” from Associate P already –  being able to swim all the time, go fishing and eat outside can bring near euphoric joy to a little boy.
• Moving into a clean house is like living in a hotel for a while.  And by “a while” I mean a very short while.  About a week.  My floors are already sticky and windows covered in finger prints.  Oh well.  It sure was a nice while it lasted.
• Unpacking a box, putting all of the contents into nice neat orderly place in your new home, and then crushing the living shit out of that box and throwing it violently into a pile.  I am part Martha Stewart, part ‘Kat The Box Slayer”, and 100% productive!

Break from Reality

This weekend I got to escape for a three day roadtrip with some girlfriends. We packed up pillows, M&Ms and our country music playlist to drive to the Florida Alabama state line for Kenny Chesney’s one and only concert of the year. We joined about 40,000 of Kenny’s biggest fans for a 8 hour beach party. FloraBamaJama

It was insane. Everyone had a drink in their hand at all times. People of every shape and size were half naked in their swim suits, frying like bacon in the unrelenting sun. The heat was so intense you couldn’t tell if people were wet from jumping in the Gulf for a swim (or bathroom break!) or from sweat.

But spirits were high and everyone was as friendly as a dunk hillbilly at a country music concert… Probably because that is exactly what they were. There was free water – both to drink and from the fire hoses that doused us every 30-40 minutes. And God bless the event organizes who ordered plenty of Corona and rum.

At numerous points in the day, I looked around and thought “How crazy is this! I can’t believe I’m here!! Am I sticking out like a sore thumb?! Do these people know I’m a boring SAHM? Can they tell I haven’t shaken my groove thang in a loooong time?”

Then Kenny played a song that put me right at ease… 

I looked around and realized that i wasn’t surrounded by a bunch of drunk hillbillies. Ok maybe there were a few. But there were also other parents, teachers, doctors, editors, programers, paper pushers and workers from all collar color careers. There were college kids and retired folks. There were even a few young children, but I’ll save my commentary on that for a future post “you might be a bad parent if…”

Everyone needs a break from reality sometimes and what better way than a good-time gathering, huge crowd and loud music on a gorgeous beach. As his song says,

We need a rock and roll show in the summer
To let the music take us away
Take our minds to a better place

Where we feel that sense of freedom
Leave our worries behind, we don’t need ’em
All we need is a sunny day and an old tailgate
And we’ll escape

 It was an awesome experience and I’ll never forget it.

I love my life. The good Lord has blessed me with a loving husband, beautiful home, healthy children and an amazing support network of family and friends. There is nothing I would change about my reality. I love it and am grateful for it everyday.

But the reality is I am in the midst of some of the hardest times of parenting.  I spend all day with two little associates who need me for everything – to feed, clothe and bathe them.  To transport, entertain, discipline and teach them.  They need me to be loving and patient 24/7… and sometimes that is really, really hard.

 It was so nice to take  break from that reality and ride in the back seat of a car for 8 hours reading a novel, listening to anything but Raffi, and laughing with friends. Taking my time eating and not helping someone else eat. It was a joy to go to the bathroom by myself – especially in the nasty rest stops on the highway, I was extremely grateful not to have to corral a toddler into a dirty stall. Getting dressed and make up on is so much more fun when sharing a bathroom with two other women, helping you decide what to wear and fixing each others hair, rather than two toddlers ruining what you wanted to wear and pulling out my hair.  And laying on the beach, with a cold drink in my hand I was grateful for the break from reality.  

The CEO and I are believers that absence does make the heart grow fonder.  Spending a little time away from the people and things you love make you that much more appreciative of them when you snap back into reality.